OT: SQL humor

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exploits_of_a_mom.png (http://xkcd.com/327/)

Thor
Sat Oct 13 04:29:33 PDT 2007

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/national_language.jpg
53

"Thor" <spam.me@live.com> wrote in message
news:e8AXMLXDIHA.3332@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl...
> http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exploits_of_a_mom.png (http://xkcd.com/327/)

Jtyc
Mon Oct 15 07:34:38 PDT 2007

I'm laughing on the inside...

The
Mon Oct 15 08:09:02 PDT 2007

SELECT * FROM users
WHERE clue > 0

--
.rev

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it"
~Aristotle
.
"Jtyc" <yo@respondtothegroup.com> wrote in message
news:eim5vizDIHA.5044@TK2MSFTNGP03.phx.gbl...
> I'm laughing on the inside...

Jtyc
Mon Oct 15 09:06:32 PDT 2007

> SELECT * FROM users
> WHERE clue > 0

Are you implying that I don't get it?

The
Mon Oct 15 09:34:16 PDT 2007

No, I was making my own SQL humor. If I was implying you didn't get it I'd
have written something like

SELECT ngID, ngName
FROM users
WHERE joke NOT IN ('gotit', 'getsit')
GO

UPDATE users
SET joke = 'gotit'
WHERE ngID = 'UPPER(jytc)

:)

--
.rev

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it"
~Aristotle
.
"Jtyc" <yo@respondtothegroup.com> wrote in message
news:uhGsGW0DIHA.4752@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl...
>> SELECT * FROM users
>> WHERE clue > 0
>
> Are you implying that I don't get it?

catwalker63
Mon Oct 15 10:46:02 PDT 2007

"The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> prattled ceaselessly in news:
#ccef1zDIHA.1188@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl:

> SELECT * FROM users
> WHERE clue > 0
>

Returns 0 rows.

--
Catwalker
MCNGP #43
www.mcngp.com
"Definitely not wearing any underwear."

kpg*
Mon Oct 15 10:41:55 PDT 2007


INSERT INTO Existance (Life) VALUES ("getOne")

kp "it was funnier in my head" g

The
Mon Oct 15 11:11:46 PDT 2007

CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
WITH ENCRYPTION AS

--BEGIN PROC

DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)

USE TEMPDB
GO

CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
(fname varchar(50),
lname varchar,(50),
ssid int (9),
birthdate date)

INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
GO

USE Mankind
GO

SELECT * FROM RevLife
INTO RevLifeBackup
GO

TRUNCATE RevLife
GO

SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
INTO RevLife
GO

TRUNCATE @hIdentity
GO

INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
FROM #FakeIdentity
GO

USE TEMPDB
DROP #FakeIdentiyy
GO

--END PROC




EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife
--
.rev

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it"
~Aristotle
.
"kpg*" <no@spam.com> wrote in message
news:Xns99CA814AA687Fipostthereforeiam@207.46.248.16...
>
> INSERT INTO Existance (Life) VALUES ("getOne")
>
> kp "it was funnier in my head" g

The
Mon Oct 15 11:12:56 PDT 2007

Sounds about right. ;)

--
.rev

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it"
~Aristotle
.
"catwalker63" <_catwalker63_@hotmamamail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns99CA6DA13C48Ecatwalker63athotmail@216.196.97.136...
> "The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> prattled ceaselessly in news:
> #ccef1zDIHA.1188@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl:
>
>> SELECT * FROM users
>> WHERE clue > 0
>>
>
> Returns 0 rows.
>
> --
> Catwalker
> MCNGP #43
> www.mcngp.com
> "Definitely not wearing any underwear."

Frisbee®
Mon Oct 15 11:21:54 PDT 2007

"The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:%23311mb1DIHA.748@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl...
> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
>
> --BEGIN PROC
>
> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
>
> USE TEMPDB
> GO
>
> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
> (fname varchar(50),
> lname varchar,(50),
> ssid int (9),
> birthdate date)
>
> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
> GO
>
> USE Mankind
> GO
>
> SELECT * FROM RevLife
> INTO RevLifeBackup
> GO
>
> TRUNCATE RevLife
> GO
>
> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
> INTO RevLife
> GO
>
> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
> GO
>
> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
> FROM #FakeIdentity
> GO
>
> USE TEMPDB
> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
> GO
>
> --END PROC
>
>
>
>
> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife

Thanks for reminding me why I never took any SQL exams.

The
Mon Oct 15 11:25:36 PDT 2007

LOL

--
.rev

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it"
~Aristotle
.
"Frisbee®" <billLASTNAME@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:uAVR3g1DIHA.1212@TK2MSFTNGP05.phx.gbl...
> "The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:%23311mb1DIHA.748@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl...
>> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
>> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
>>
>> --BEGIN PROC
>>
>> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
>>
>> USE TEMPDB
>> GO
>>
>> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
>> (fname varchar(50),
>> lname varchar,(50),
>> ssid int (9),
>> birthdate date)
>>
>> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
>> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
>> GO
>>
>> USE Mankind
>> GO
>>
>> SELECT * FROM RevLife
>> INTO RevLifeBackup
>> GO
>>
>> TRUNCATE RevLife
>> GO
>>
>> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
>> INTO RevLife
>> GO
>>
>> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
>> GO
>>
>> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
>> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
>> FROM #FakeIdentity
>> GO
>>
>> USE TEMPDB
>> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
>> GO
>>
>> --END PROC
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife
>
> Thanks for reminding me why I never took any SQL exams.
>
>

kpg*
Mon Oct 15 12:19:13 PDT 2007

"The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in news:#
311mb1DIHA.748@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl:

> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
>
> --BEGIN PROC
>
> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
>
> USE TEMPDB
> GO
>
> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
> (fname varchar(50),
> lname varchar,(50),
> ssid int (9),
> birthdate date)
>
> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
> GO
>
> USE Mankind
> GO
>
> SELECT * FROM RevLife
> INTO RevLifeBackup
> GO
>
> TRUNCATE RevLife
> GO
>
> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
> INTO RevLife
> GO
>
> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
> GO
>
> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
> FROM #FakeIdentity
> GO
>
> USE TEMPDB
> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
> GO
>
> --END PROC
>
>
>
>
> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife


You passed the interview...

I'll send you a list of stored procedures I need written for my latest
project.

Frisbee®
Mon Oct 15 12:31:06 PDT 2007

"kpg*" <no@spam.com> wrote in message
news:Xns99CA91CA28E1ipostthereforeiam@207.46.248.16...
> "The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in news:#
> 311mb1DIHA.748@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl:
>
>> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
>> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
>>
>> --BEGIN PROC
>>
>> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
>>
>> USE TEMPDB
>> GO
>>
>> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
>> (fname varchar(50),
>> lname varchar,(50),
>> ssid int (9),
>> birthdate date)
>>
>> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
>> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
>> GO
>>
>> USE Mankind
>> GO
>>
>> SELECT * FROM RevLife
>> INTO RevLifeBackup
>> GO
>>
>> TRUNCATE RevLife
>> GO
>>
>> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
>> INTO RevLife
>> GO
>>
>> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
>> GO
>>
>> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
>> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
>> FROM #FakeIdentity
>> GO
>>
>> USE TEMPDB
>> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
>> GO
>>
>> --END PROC
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife
>
>
> You passed the interview...
>
> I'll send you a list of stored procedures I need written for my latest
> project.

HAW HAW YORE TEAM LOST TO KENTUCKY!

Er... cough. Maybe I should wait until after this Saturday.

kpg*
Mon Oct 15 13:04:46 PDT 2007

> HAW HAW YORE TEAM LOST TO KENTUCKY!

At least were still in single digits.

For now.

kp" Auburn who?" g

The
Mon Oct 15 12:57:54 PDT 2007

You do realize I chagre like 100 bucks an hour for AdHoc work and I tend to
drink alot while doing it so it might take me a while. :)

--
.rev

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it"
~Aristotle
.
"kpg*" <no@spam.com> wrote in message
news:Xns99CA91CA28E1ipostthereforeiam@207.46.248.16...
> "The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in news:#
> 311mb1DIHA.748@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl:
>
>> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
>> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
>>
>> --BEGIN PROC
>>
>> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
>>
>> USE TEMPDB
>> GO
>>
>> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
>> (fname varchar(50),
>> lname varchar,(50),
>> ssid int (9),
>> birthdate date)
>>
>> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
>> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
>> GO
>>
>> USE Mankind
>> GO
>>
>> SELECT * FROM RevLife
>> INTO RevLifeBackup
>> GO
>>
>> TRUNCATE RevLife
>> GO
>>
>> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
>> INTO RevLife
>> GO
>>
>> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
>> GO
>>
>> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
>> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
>> FROM #FakeIdentity
>> GO
>>
>> USE TEMPDB
>> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
>> GO
>>
>> --END PROC
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife
>
>
> You passed the interview...
>
> I'll send you a list of stored procedures I need written for my latest
> project.
>

CBIC
Mon Oct 15 13:05:33 PDT 2007


"Frisbee®" <billLASTNAME@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:OzvshH2DIHA.4308@TK2MSFTNGP06.phx.gbl...

> HAW HAW YORE TEAM LOST TO KENTUCKY!
>
> Er... cough. Maybe I should wait until after this Saturday.
>
>

Speaking of college football, during the UT vs Iowa State game I believe the
term "face r@pe" was used for the first time in prime time. I almost died
laughing.

kpg*
Mon Oct 15 13:46:51 PDT 2007

"The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in
news:ePb96W2DIHA.3980@TK2MSFTNGP03.phx.gbl:

> You do realize I chagre like 100 bucks an hour for AdHoc work and I
> tend to drink alot while doing it so it might take me a while. :)

That's OK. I write my best code when I'm sloshed. Or is that when
I'm stoned? I dunno, I forget.

Thor
Mon Oct 15 15:25:51 PDT 2007

I use reporting services, and it times out.
What am I doing wrong?
53

"The Rev [MCT]" <ireportbadpeople@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:%23ccef1zDIHA.1188@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl...
> SELECT * FROM users
> WHERE clue > 0
>
> --
> .rev
>
> "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought
> without
> accepting it"
> ~Aristotle
> .
> "Jtyc" <yo@respondtothegroup.com> wrote in message
> news:eim5vizDIHA.5044@TK2MSFTNGP03.phx.gbl...
>> I'm laughing on the inside...
>