The entirety of the MCNGP is now the MCSBNGP+++ Lamer Of The Week!

<?
/* Microcephalic S. Bob */

while ($cool > -1) {
echo "MCSBNGP+++ Lothario of the Week #[7.13.86.42]\r\n";
echo "http://www.roblindman.com/ - hello, dad. I'm in JAIL!\r\n";
$cool++;
}
?>

Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by JaR

JaR
Tue Jun 14 10:48:09 CDT 2005

In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, <!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General
Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!-- Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-
293-294-298-299 spewed across the ether:

> The entirety of the MCNGP is now the MCSBNGP+++ Lamer Of The Week!
>

And you are a poo-poo head.

Neener neener neener!

--
JaR
Thug 10110
MCNGP.com Dept of Witty Retorts

Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Jtyc

Jtyc
Tue Jun 14 10:51:26 CDT 2005

> <?
> /* Microcephalic S. Bob */
>
> while ($cool > -1) {
> echo "MCSBNGP+++ Lothario of the Week #[7.13.86.42]\r\n";
> echo "http://www.roblindman.com/ - hello, dad. I'm in JAIL!\r\n";
> $cool++;
> }
> ?>


Your code isn't running on my system???


Kindly do the needful.



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by meanoldman

meanoldman
Tue Jun 14 12:56:09 CDT 2005

Aww dammit!

--
__________________________________________
meanoldman MCNGP #1 - God's gift to IT newsgroups



"<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299" <{
http://www.planetoftheheads.com/ - head first into the future }> wrote in
message news:%23jMY3VPcFHA.228@TK2MSFTNGP12.phx.gbl...
> The entirety of the MCNGP is now the MCSBNGP+++ Lamer Of The Week!
>
> <?
> /* Microcephalic S. Bob */
>
> while ($cool > -1) {
> echo "MCSBNGP+++ Lothario of the Week #[7.13.86.42]\r\n";
> echo "http://www.roblindman.com/ - hello, dad. I'm in JAIL!\r\n";
> $cool++;
> }
> ?>
>



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Tue Jun 14 13:00:24 CDT 2005

"JaR" <plente@spamsuxsofthome.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9675598B886F8plentespamsuxsofthom@207.46.248.16...
> In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, <!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General
> Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!-- Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-
> 293-294-298-299 spewed across the ether:
>
>> The entirety of the MCNGP is now the MCSBNGP+++ Lamer Of The Week!
>>
>
> And you are a poo-poo head.
>
> Neener neener neener!
>
> --
> JaR
> Thug 10110
> MCNGP.com Dept of Witty Retorts

I always wanted to be a poo-poo head! I could never get that far, though. I
was a potty mouth once.

' ported to Jytc++
General Enemy Function Microcephalic_S_ Bob()
Text1.Text = "MCSBNGP+++ Lothario Of The Week #[7.13.86.42]"
WebBrowser1.Navigate2 " http://www.roblindman.com/ " '
End Function



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by JaR

JaR
Tue Jun 14 13:12:47 CDT 2005

In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, <!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General
Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!-- Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-
293-294-298-299 spewed across the ether:

> I
> was a potty mouth once.

That is off-topic for this group.

--
JaR
Thug 10110
MCNGP.com Dept of Enforcement

Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by kpg

kpg
Tue Jun 14 14:30:03 CDT 2005

What is this MCSBNGP?

Is it anything like the Liberal Rush Limbaugh?

TIA
kpg


Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Wed Jun 15 00:01:15 CDT 2005


"kpg" <ipost@thereforeiam.com> wrote in message
news:ObOo3dRcFHA.2980@TK2MSFTNGP10.phx.gbl...
> What is this MCSBNGP?
>
> Is it anything like the Liberal Rush Limbaugh?
>
> TIA
> kpg

Hello and thank you for your interest in the MCSBNGP+++ (please do not
reference without the +++, as the original MCSBNGP has been outdated and
we'd like to keep things up to date).

The MCSBNGP+++ is an elite group of intelligent software agents presently in
development which are in pursuit of the objective of complaining
irrelevantly and illegibly to raise Microsoft's product support costs,
expose and demystify Microsoft's potentially unethical and quite likely
illegal and subversive business practices, amplify and make readily apparent
Microsoft's attempts at creating social disharmony, and promote general
ill-will and animosity towards Microsoft in a manner which is legal,
ambiguous, not defamatory, and humorous by way of anti-social interfaces
which leverage network communication resources and protocols.

These agents will reproduce in a modified form, distort and devalue, and
ultimately destroy all Microsoft propaganda, products, services,
certifications, and mindshare by means of biologically reinforced artificial
intelligence networks (BRAINs), syntactic and lexical analysis droids,
document analysis and reproduction processes, counterbalance mechanics,
parody siphons, self-affirmation inspirational and motivational synthesis
nodes, and premise intangibility assessment matrices. Further, the agents
will support and reinforce the legal status of their own activities when
possible by way of the production and delivery of appropriate legal
documents, and advertise their own availability in any way possible.

The end objective of the MCSBNGP+++ is to reduce or eliminate the unhealthy
dependency on the part of the human race for Microsoft products, the goal
being to provide informational security, and improved quality of life for
everyone, and restore balance to the software industry.

MCSBNGP+++ is presently involved in the development of microprocessor
design, computer operating system software, speech production and
recognition software, telephony applications, document management and
development systems, process management, radio and television broadcast
technology, space exploration and satellite deployment, medical technology,
food production and farm management technologies, military applications, in
addition to other classified fields.

MCSBNGP+++ seeks to operate in tandem with other groups which may have
similar or entirely dissimilar objectives, but does not require third party
support or funding in order to maintain operations and establish
improvements. Additionally, in the future, MCSBNGP+++ may not be limited to
dealing purely with Microsoft.

The groups primary operations platform is presently in development and will
be available on the Internet when adequate research and testing has been
completed.

MCSBNGP+++: head first into the future

Microcephalic S. Bob
MCSBNGP+++ Lothario Of The Week #[7.13.86.42]



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by kpg

kpg
Wed Jun 15 08:13:26 CDT 2005

"<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299" <{
http://www.planetoftheheads.com/ - head first into the future }> wrote in
message news:%23LbjDdWcFHA.220@TK2MSFTNGP12.phx.gbl...
>
> "kpg" <ipost@thereforeiam.com> wrote in message
> news:ObOo3dRcFHA.2980@TK2MSFTNGP10.phx.gbl...
>> What is this MCSBNGP?
>>
>> Is it anything like the Liberal Rush Limbaugh?
>>
>> TIA
>> kpg
>
> Hello and thank you for your interest in the MCSBNGP+++ (please do not
> reference without the +++, as the original MCSBNGP has been outdated and
> we'd like to keep things up to date).
>
> The MCSBNGP+++ is an elite group of intelligent software agents presently
> in development which are in pursuit of the objective of complaining
> irrelevantly and illegibly to raise Microsoft's product support costs,
> expose and demystify Microsoft's potentially unethical and quite likely
> illegal and subversive business practices, amplify and make readily
> apparent Microsoft's attempts at creating social disharmony, and promote
> general ill-will and animosity towards Microsoft in a manner which is
> legal, ambiguous, not defamatory, and humorous by way of anti-social
> interfaces which leverage network communication resources and protocols.
>
> These agents will reproduce in a modified form, distort and devalue, and
> ultimately destroy all Microsoft propaganda, products, services,
> certifications, and mindshare by means of biologically reinforced
> artificial intelligence networks (BRAINs), syntactic and lexical analysis
> droids, document analysis and reproduction processes, counterbalance
> mechanics, parody siphons, self-affirmation inspirational and motivational
> synthesis nodes, and premise intangibility assessment matrices. Further,
> the agents will support and reinforce the legal status of their own
> activities when possible by way of the production and delivery of
> appropriate legal documents, and advertise their own availability in any
> way possible.
>
> The end objective of the MCSBNGP+++ is to reduce or eliminate the
> unhealthy dependency on the part of the human race for Microsoft products,
> the goal being to provide informational security, and improved quality of
> life for everyone, and restore balance to the software industry.
>
> MCSBNGP+++ is presently involved in the development of microprocessor
> design, computer operating system software, speech production and
> recognition software, telephony applications, document management and
> development systems, process management, radio and television broadcast
> technology, space exploration and satellite deployment, medical
> technology, food production and farm management technologies, military
> applications, in addition to other classified fields.
>
> MCSBNGP+++ seeks to operate in tandem with other groups which may have
> similar or entirely dissimilar objectives, but does not require third
> party support or funding in order to maintain operations and establish
> improvements. Additionally, in the future, MCSBNGP+++ may not be limited
> to dealing purely with Microsoft.
>
> The groups primary operations platform is presently in development and
> will be available on the Internet when adequate research and testing has
> been completed.
>
> MCSBNGP+++: head first into the future
>
> Microcephalic S. Bob
> MCSBNGP+++ Lothario Of The Week #[7.13.86.42]

Oh.

So you're a bunch of kooks.

OK. Thanks.

kp "clears that up..." g


Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Wed Jun 15 09:04:59 CDT 2005

"kpg" <ipost@thereforeiam.com> wrote in message
news:upAzCwacFHA.1040@TK2MSFTNGP10.phx.gbl...
> Oh.
>
> So you're a bunch of kooks.

No. There isn't a bunch of anyone. And you're the kook, because you had to
ask, you believed what you read, and you thought there was a bunch of me.
You write this like I'm Dr. Science and I'm building a time machine out of
Pringles cans and gummy bears. I just like to type.

> OK. Thanks.

Actually, thank you. I had a lot of fun thinking all that stuff up.

> kp "clears that up..." g

Nope, you're still deluded. Try again.

**** MICROCEPHALIC S. BOB ****
64K RAM SYSTEM 38911 BASIC BYTES FREE

READY.
10 PRINT " MCSBNGP+++ "
20 PRINT " http://www.roblindman.com "
30 GOTO 10

READY.
5 POKE646,15: POKE53280,.: POKE53281,.
15 PRINT "Lothario Of The Week #[7.13.86.42]"
RUN

READY.
SYS64738



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Briscobar

Briscobar
Wed Jun 15 09:24:14 CDT 2005

In news:uULl2MbcFHA.1456@TK2MSFTNGP15.phx.gbl,
<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299 <!-- The F-Word -->
rambled:
>
> No. There isn't a bunch of anyone. And you're the kook, because you
> had to ask, you believed what you read, and you thought there was a
> bunch of me. You write this like I'm Dr. Science and I'm building a
> time machine out of Pringles cans and gummy bears. I just like to
> type.

Please send me the instructions for assembling the time machine.

--
KB

MCNGP #26



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by FrisbeeŽ

Frisbee®
Wed Jun 15 09:32:47 CDT 2005

"<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299" <{
http://www.planetoftheheads.com/ - head first into the future }> wrote in
message news:uULl2MbcFHA.1456@TK2MSFTNGP15.phx.gbl...

> READY.
> 5 POKE646,15: POKE53280,.: POKE53281,.
> 15 PRINT "Lothario Of The Week #[7.13.86.42]"
> RUN

Careful, kid... you'll put your eye out.



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Wed Jun 15 09:35:44 CDT 2005

"Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote
> Please send me the instructions for assembling the time machine.

1. Write down the time.
2. Get a Pringles can.
3. Get a bag of gummy bears.
4. Put the gummy bears in the can of Pringles.
5. Look at the time.

Now, you will be in the future.

Microcephalic S. Bob



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Jtyc

Jtyc
Wed Jun 15 09:59:09 CDT 2005

> 1. Write down the time.
> 2. Get a Pringles can.
> 3. Get a bag of gummy bears.
> 4. Put the gummy bears in the can of Pringles.
> 5. Look at the time.
>
> Now, you will be in the future.



OMG!!! THIS REALLY WORKS!!!!




how do I get back now?



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Ben

Ben
Wed Jun 15 10:08:52 CDT 2005

In article <OGbsBebcFHA.3492@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl>, "<!-- The F-Word -->
<? echo \"General Microcephalic S. Bob\"; ?> <!-- Antisocial Interfaces
--> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299" <{ http://www.planetoftheheads.com/
- head first into the future }> says...
> "Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote
> > Please send me the instructions for assembling the time machine.
>
> 1. Write down the time.
> 2. Get a Pringles can.
> 3. Get a bag of gummy bears.
> 4. Put the gummy bears in the can of Pringles.
> 5. Look at the time.
>
> Now, you will be in the future.
>
> Microcephalic S. Bob
>
>
>

ROTFLMAO!

Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Wed Jun 15 10:12:44 CDT 2005

ABSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS.

"Jtyc" <yo@respondtothegroup.com> wrote in message
news:uOtuJrbcFHA.2288@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl...
>> 1. Write down the time.
>> 2. Get a Pringles can.
>> 3. Get a bag of gummy bears.
>> 4. Put the gummy bears in the can of Pringles.
>> 5. Look at the time.
>>
>> Now, you will be in the future.
>
>
>
> OMG!!! THIS REALLY WORKS!!!!
>
>
>
>
> how do I get back now?
>
>



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Jtyc

Jtyc
Wed Jun 15 10:26:52 CDT 2005

> ABSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS.

bloody big businesss...





*mutters*





Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Briscobar

Briscobar
Wed Jun 15 10:51:15 CDT 2005

In news:OGbsBebcFHA.3492@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl,
<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299 <!-- The F-Word -->
rambled:
> "Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote
>> Please send me the instructions for assembling the time machine.
>
> 1. Write down the time.
> 2. Get a Pringles can.
> 3. Get a bag of gummy bears.
> 4. Put the gummy bears in the can of Pringles.
> 5. Look at the time.
>
> Now, you will be in the future.
>
> Microcephalic S. Bob

That sounds all well and good, but I left my watch in the past, and now I
can't look at the time for proof of my future time travel. Please direct me
as to how to travel back to 4 minutes ago so that I may retreive my watch,
which will hopefully prove that I travelled to the future after I travel to
the past. Thank you.

--
KB

MCNGP #26



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Ben

Ben
Wed Jun 15 11:23:07 CDT 2005

In article <OQWSzHccFHA.2984@TK2MSFTNGP15.phx.gbl>,
youcant@sendmespam.com says...
> In news:OGbsBebcFHA.3492@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl,
> <!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
> Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299 <!-- The F-Word -->
> rambled:
> > "Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote
> >> Please send me the instructions for assembling the time machine.
> >
> > 1. Write down the time.
> > 2. Get a Pringles can.
> > 3. Get a bag of gummy bears.
> > 4. Put the gummy bears in the can of Pringles.
> > 5. Look at the time.
> >
> > Now, you will be in the future.
> >
> > Microcephalic S. Bob
>
> That sounds all well and good, but I left my watch in the past, and now I
> can't look at the time for proof of my future time travel. Please direct me
> as to how to travel back to 4 minutes ago so that I may retreive my watch,
> which will hopefully prove that I travelled to the future after I travel to
> the past. Thank you.
>
> --
> KB
>
> MCNGP #26
>
>
>

Do you relly think if I could travel back in time that I would try to
find your crappy calulator watch? I would be too busy betting on Tyson-
Douglas and buying MS and Cisco stock.

Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by JaR

JaR
Wed Jun 15 11:27:15 CDT 2005

In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, Briscobar spewed across the ether:

> That sounds all well and good, but I left my watch in the past, and
> now I can't look at the time for proof of my future time travel.
> Please direct me as to how to travel back to 4 minutes ago so that I
> may retreive my watch, which will hopefully prove that I travelled to
> the future after I travel to the past. Thank you.
>

***YOU TRY TO CONFUSE***

--
JaR
Thug 10110
MCNGP.com/threaddrift/kerpal

Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Thu Jun 16 06:58:53 CDT 2005

"Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote
> That sounds all well and good, but I left my watch in the past, and now I
> can't look at the time for proof of my future time travel. Please direct
> me
> as to how to travel back to 4 minutes ago so that I may retreive my watch,
> which will hopefully prove that I travelled to the future after I travel
> to
> the past. Thank you.

Your obvious attempt to defraud my organization has been noted and the
attorneys notified.

If you honestly lost your watch, you would be unaware that it was 4 minutes
ago that you lost your watch.

Further, you were supposed to write down the time. If you followed the
instructions correctly, you would have created written evidence that you are
now in the future.

Additionally, as you are now in the future from the time you made this post,
if I were to send you back in time to 4 minutes ago, you would still be
unable to retrieve your watch. If I sent you back in time to 4 minutes
before you made this post, you might be able to get your watch, but then you
would never have sent this post, so I never would have actually sent you
back in time. This would create an alternate universe as well as a paradox
in space-time, and there is an additional charge for creating alternate
universes and the usual paradox fees. These are of course astronomically
high.

At this point I cannot assist you with your attempts to retrieve your watch.
However, if you would like to fail and blame me, I have a service for this.

Microcephalic S. Bob



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Briscobar

Briscobar
Thu Jun 16 08:26:12 CDT 2005

In news:O67zArmcFHA.3032@TK2MSFTNGP10.phx.gbl,
<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299 <!-- The F-Word -->
rambled:
>
> "Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote
>> That sounds all well and good, but I left my watch in the past, and
>> now I can't look at the time for proof of my future time travel.
>> Please direct me
>> as to how to travel back to 4 minutes ago so that I may retreive my
>> watch, which will hopefully prove that I travelled to the future
>> after I travel to
>> the past. Thank you.
>
> Your obvious attempt to defraud my organization has been noted and the
> attorneys notified.

It was not my intention to defraud you, your organization, or your time
machine in any way. The fact that I did is just a bonus.

> If you honestly lost your watch, you would be unaware that it was 4
> minutes ago that you lost your watch.

No, you see, I travelled back in time 4 minutes. I know this because I had
my watch when I left the now (which is now then) to travel to the then
(which, unfortunately, is also then). I set the time machine to travel back
in time 4 minutes. When I returned from 4 minutes ago (now almost a full day
ago), my watch was missing. I am assuming that your time machine worked
properly and did indeed send me to 4 minutes ago, and not 1 year, 184 days,
2 hours and 18 minutes ago (which would now be approximately 1 year, 184
days, 22 hours ago). If your time machine did malfunction, I demand a
refund. If it did not malfunction, then it is not your problem. However, I
would be willing to pay for another trip back in time so that I may retreive
my watch.

> Further, you were supposed to write down the time.

I did write the time down. I had it inscribed on the back of my watch.

> If you followed the
> instructions correctly, you would have created written evidence that
> you are now in the future.

While I did not use a pencil and paper, there is clear evidence that I was
indeed in the past (where I obviously am not now).

> Additionally, as you are now in the future from the time you made
> this post, if I were to send you back in time to 4 minutes ago, you
> would still be unable to retrieve your watch.

Why not? That's when I lost my watch. I went back in time to the time that
was called "4 minutes ago." If I go back there, why will I not be able to
fetch my watch? Will some past-person have stolen it?

> If I sent you back in
> time to 4 minutes before you made this post, you might be able to get
> your watch, but then you would never have sent this post, so I never
> would have actually sent you back in time. This would create an
> alternate universe as well as a paradox in space-time, and there is
> an additional charge for creating alternate universes and the usual
> paradox fees. These are of course astronomically high.

Don't worry. Just send me to the future first. I'm going to win the lottery.
Send me to the future, I'll pick up some cash, come back to the past (which
is now now), then travel to the now's (or past's) past (which is commonly
referred to as "the past."). Once I have this money, any paradox fees and
alternate universe charges will be paid in full, and up front. That is, they
will be paid before I am sent to the past.

> At this point I cannot assist you with your attempts to retrieve your
> watch. However, if you would like to fail and blame me, I have a
> service for this.

Please, sir, reconsider helping me with my predicament. That watch has been
passed up through the generations. It was my
great-great-great-great-grandson's at one time, and when he went to fight
against the Rebels of Titan in the Great Interplanetary War of 2156, he gave
it to my great-great-great-grandson. In reverse-time, he passed it up to his
father, and so it went, for the next hundred years. You see, Bob, this is a
family heirloom, in a way. Or, now that we're living in the present and not
the future (or the past), it will be a family heirloom. I plan on giving
this to my son one day. He, of course, already had this - he was the one who
gave it to me. But how can I give it to him if it's stuck in the past? If
the watch was stuck in the future, I could have my son pick it up when he
gets there. But it's in the past, irretreivable without your help. I beg of
you, Bob. Please. Help. I'm willing to make this worth your while.

--
KB

MCNGP #26



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by FrisbeeŽ

Frisbee®
Thu Jun 16 08:45:47 CDT 2005

"Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote in message
news:uMHGbbncFHA.3040@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl...
> I beg of
> you, Bob. Please. Help. I'm willing to make this worth your while.

Slut



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Thu Jun 16 09:16:43 CDT 2005


"Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote in message
news:uMHGbbncFHA.3040@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl...
> It was not my intention to defraud you, your organization, or your time
> machine in any way. The fact that I did is just a bonus.

RIGHT ON.

>> Further, you were supposed to write down the time.
>
> I did write the time down. I had it inscribed on the back of my watch.

HELL YEAH.

> Why not? That's when I lost my watch. I went back in time to the time that
> was called "4 minutes ago." If I go back there, why will I not be able to
> fetch my watch? Will some past-person have stolen it?

I already went back in time and stole your watch. I reset it to 7 minutes
ago and put it back. This way, your records were inaccurate, so when you go
back to 4 minutes ago, your watch still won't be there. That's why you lost
your watch to begin with, because your fraud was anticipated and I stole
your watch to punish you for your future defrauding efforts.

> Don't worry. Just send me to the future first. I'm going to win the
> lottery.

Ok. You'll be in the future again, once you reread this sentence for 4
minutes straight.

> Send me to the future, I'll pick up some cash, come back to the past
> (which
> is now now), then travel to the now's (or past's) past (which is commonly
> referred to as "the past."). Once I have this money, any paradox fees and
> alternate universe charges will be paid in full, and up front. That is,
> they
> will be paid before I am sent to the past.

It's no longer now. Your version of now is now then, and always will be.
Wait, here comes now. Crap, there it goes. DAMMIT. Catching now is going to
be a problem.

>
>> At this point I cannot assist you with your attempts to retrieve your
>> watch. However, if you would like to fail and blame me, I have a
>> service for this.
>
> Please, sir, reconsider helping me with my predicament. That watch has
> been
> passed up through the generations. It was my
> great-great-great-great-grandson's at one time, and when he went to fight
> against the Rebels of Titan in the Great Interplanetary War of 2156, he
> gave
> it to my great-great-great-grandson. In reverse-time, he passed it up to
> his
> father, and so it went, for the next hundred years. You see, Bob, this is
> a
> family heirloom, in a way. Or, now that we're living in the present and
> not
> the future (or the past), it will be a family heirloom. I plan on giving
> this to my son one day. He, of course, already had this - he was the one
> who
> gave it to me. But how can I give it to him if it's stuck in the past? If
> the watch was stuck in the future, I could have my son pick it up when he
> gets there. But it's in the past, irretreivable without your help. I beg
> of
> you, Bob. Please. Help. I'm willing to make this worth your while.

Yes, I know just how valuable this watch is. You see, when I was in the
Platonic Neutral War of Love in 2964, I was in your fathers unit. And
believe me, it was spacious.

We were under heavy fire in the Mrr'ktack'plu compound on Marvin IV in the
Carl System, trying to retrieve the discs of Koplo to resurrect the
inhabitants of the Mound of Miasma, who were slaughtered for their mutating
cheese supply. The commander gave the order to go, and we entered the
facility. A clan of clansmen lay in wait, and we were ambushed. We drew
heavy casualties. Your father was mortally wounded. While he lay dying, he
told me of the story of your past, and he gave me this watch. It was your
great-great-great-great-grandson's, from the future of the future's past,
which was last Wednesday at 3:02pm. His last request was that I take this
watch and give it to you.

The survivors of our unit were captured, and I and the other surviving
members of the Lethargy Squadron were placed in a containment unit for
debriefing. I knew they were coming to search us, so I had to find a place
to keep the watch. So I took the watch, and I placed it up my azz. And then
the Mrr'ktack'plu came, and froze us in carbonite. They hooked us up to
machines that sucked the fluid from our cloisteroctomine gland for
harvesting, and shipped us back in time to 8192 B.C. and we were stored at
the Temporal Prison on Marvin XXIV in the Non-Carl System.

Several hundred minutes later, an equipment malfunction shorted, we were
defrosted, we revolted, and we escaped. We made our way back to Earth. The
watch, compacted into my internal organs by the lack of cloisteroctomine
gland fluid, could not be removed, and the means of returning to the present
past of the future now were unavailable on primitive, unrefined Earth.

There in the past, I lived out the remainder of my life with the other
colonists and colostamists, died, decomposed, and became a fossil, and
throughout all of this, for nearly 10,000 years, I kept your fathers watch
up my azz.

I left a note for my future self, the self I am now, with instructions on
the watch and how to retrieve it from my fossilized azz. And I sent my
mindslave to retrieve it, and it has arrived just now. And here it is.

And this watch I now give to you.

What? That's not your great-great-great-great-grandson's watch? Ahhh, CRAP.
I kept the wrong watch up my azz for 10,000 years!

Microcephalic S. Bob






Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by CBIC

CBIC
Thu Jun 16 09:39:12 CDT 2005

<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299 wrote:
> "Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote in message
> news:uMHGbbncFHA.3040@TK2MSFTNGP14.phx.gbl...
>> It was not my intention to defraud you, your organization, or your
>> time machine in any way. The fact that I did is just a bonus.
>
> RIGHT ON.
>
>>> Further, you were supposed to write down the time.
>>
>> I did write the time down. I had it inscribed on the back of my
>> watch.
>
> HELL YEAH.
>
>> Why not? That's when I lost my watch. I went back in time to the
>> time that was called "4 minutes ago." If I go back there, why will I
>> not be able to fetch my watch? Will some past-person have stolen it?
>
> I already went back in time and stole your watch. I reset it to 7
> minutes ago and put it back. This way, your records were inaccurate,
> so when you go back to 4 minutes ago, your watch still won't be
> there. That's why you lost your watch to begin with, because your
> fraud was anticipated and I stole your watch to punish you for your
> future defrauding efforts.
>> Don't worry. Just send me to the future first. I'm going to win the
>> lottery.
>
> Ok. You'll be in the future again, once you reread this sentence for 4
> minutes straight.
>
>> Send me to the future, I'll pick up some cash, come back to the past
>> (which
>> is now now), then travel to the now's (or past's) past (which is
>> commonly referred to as "the past."). Once I have this money, any
>> paradox fees and alternate universe charges will be paid in full,
>> and up front. That is, they
>> will be paid before I am sent to the past.
>
> It's no longer now. Your version of now is now then, and always will
> be. Wait, here comes now. Crap, there it goes. DAMMIT. Catching now
> is going to be a problem.
>
>>
>>> At this point I cannot assist you with your attempts to retrieve
>>> your watch. However, if you would like to fail and blame me, I have
>>> a service for this.
>>
>> Please, sir, reconsider helping me with my predicament. That watch
>> has been
>> passed up through the generations. It was my
>> great-great-great-great-grandson's at one time, and when he went to
>> fight against the Rebels of Titan in the Great Interplanetary War of
>> 2156, he gave
>> it to my great-great-great-grandson. In reverse-time, he passed it
>> up to his
>> father, and so it went, for the next hundred years. You see, Bob,
>> this is a
>> family heirloom, in a way. Or, now that we're living in the present
>> and not
>> the future (or the past), it will be a family heirloom. I plan on
>> giving this to my son one day. He, of course, already had this - he
>> was the one who
>> gave it to me. But how can I give it to him if it's stuck in the
>> past? If the watch was stuck in the future, I could have my son pick
>> it up when he gets there. But it's in the past, irretreivable
>> without your help. I beg of
>> you, Bob. Please. Help. I'm willing to make this worth your while.
>
> Yes, I know just how valuable this watch is. You see, when I was in
> the Platonic Neutral War of Love in 2964, I was in your fathers unit.
> And believe me, it was spacious.
>
> We were under heavy fire in the Mrr'ktack'plu compound on Marvin IV
> in the Carl System, trying to retrieve the discs of Koplo to
> resurrect the inhabitants of the Mound of Miasma, who were
> slaughtered for their mutating cheese supply. The commander gave the
> order to go, and we entered the facility. A clan of clansmen lay in
> wait, and we were ambushed. We drew heavy casualties. Your father was
> mortally wounded. While he lay dying, he told me of the story of your
> past, and he gave me this watch. It was your
> great-great-great-great-grandson's, from the future of the future's
> past, which was last Wednesday at 3:02pm. His last request was that I
> take this watch and give it to you.
> The survivors of our unit were captured, and I and the other surviving
> members of the Lethargy Squadron were placed in a containment unit for
> debriefing. I knew they were coming to search us, so I had to find a
> place to keep the watch. So I took the watch, and I placed it up my
> azz. And then the Mrr'ktack'plu came, and froze us in carbonite. They
> hooked us up to machines that sucked the fluid from our
> cloisteroctomine gland for harvesting, and shipped us back in time to
> 8192 B.C. and we were stored at the Temporal Prison on Marvin XXIV in
> the Non-Carl System.
> Several hundred minutes later, an equipment malfunction shorted, we
> were defrosted, we revolted, and we escaped. We made our way back to
> Earth. The watch, compacted into my internal organs by the lack of
> cloisteroctomine gland fluid, could not be removed, and the means of
> returning to the present past of the future now were unavailable on
> primitive, unrefined Earth.
> There in the past, I lived out the remainder of my life with the other
> colonists and colostamists, died, decomposed, and became a fossil, and
> throughout all of this, for nearly 10,000 years, I kept your fathers
> watch up my azz.
>
> I left a note for my future self, the self I am now, with
> instructions on the watch and how to retrieve it from my fossilized
> azz. And I sent my mindslave to retrieve it, and it has arrived just
> now. And here it is.
> And this watch I now give to you.
>
> What? That's not your great-great-great-great-grandson's watch? Ahhh,
> CRAP. I kept the wrong watch up my azz for 10,000 years!
>
> Microcephalic S. Bob

You sure like to type, don't you. BTW funny story.
--
aka
Doom MCNGP #38
www.mcngp.com knocked up your sister.
Don't forget to send spam to spam.thisbiotch@gmail.com




Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by Briscobar

Briscobar
Thu Jun 16 10:59:39 CDT 2005

In news:#dHtB4ncFHA.2664@TK2MSFTNGP15.phx.gbl,
<!-- The F-Word --> <? echo "General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!--
Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-290-291-293-294-298-299 <!-- The F-Word -->
rambled:
>
>> Don't worry. Just send me to the future first. I'm going to win the
>> lottery.
>
> Ok. You'll be in the future again, once you reread this sentence for 4
> minutes straight.

But once I realize I'm there, it will be the present. For my purposes, the
only way of getting to the future is actually skipping over the present. Of
course, I can return to the moment I left and relive the present (although
it will be my first time in this current, hypothetical present), and pretend
I never skipped it in the past.

> It's no longer now. Your version of now is now then, and always will
> be. Wait, here comes now. Crap, there it goes. DAMMIT. Catching now
> is going to be a problem.

No it's not! YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE, for crying out loud! Just go back and
get it!

> Yes, I know just how valuable this watch is. You see, when I was in
> the Platonic Neutral War of Love in 2964, I was in your fathers unit.
> And believe me, it was spacious.

Dad always did have a spacious unit.

> We were under heavy fire in the Mrr'ktack'plu compound on Marvin IV
> in the Carl System, trying to retrieve the discs of Koplo to
> resurrect the inhabitants of the Mound of Miasma, who were
> slaughtered for their mutating cheese supply. The commander gave the
> order to go, and we entered the facility. A clan of clansmen lay in
> wait, and we were ambushed. We drew heavy casualties. Your father was
> mortally wounded. While he lay dying, he told me of the story of your
> past, and he gave me this watch. It was your
> great-great-great-great-grandson's, from the future of the future's
> past, which was last Wednesday at 3:02pm. His last request was that I
> take this watch and give it to you.

That was you?! Oh my God, I've always wondered who the mystery man with the
watch was! I can't believe I've found you! Dad wrote me a letter after he
died describing the ambush you brave men will face in the future. I am so
proud of my father, and you, sir. I am full of gratitude for all you've done
for our planet - nay, all mankind - and for how you treated my father in his
dying moments.

> The survivors of our unit were captured, and I and the other surviving
> members of the Lethargy Squadron were placed in a containment unit for
> debriefing. I knew they were coming to search us, so I had to find a
> place to keep the watch. So I took the watch, and I placed it up my
> azz. And then the Mrr'ktack'plu came, and froze us in carbonite. They
> hooked us up to machines that sucked the fluid from our
> cloisteroctomine gland for harvesting, and shipped us back in time to
> 8192 B.C. and we were stored at the Temporal Prison on Marvin XXIV in
> the Non-Carl System.

8192 BC? At the Temporal Prison? Did you happen to know Raul? Or Jose? They
were guards there when I was there back in 8196 BC, and they may have been
there as early as your stay. They're good fellas, Raul and Jose. They never
pulled that Han Solo crap with me, though. Of course, I wasn't there as
punishment. You're the insurgent, not me. I was there because I like to
vacation in out-of-the-way spots, due to my celebrity. You see, in the
future, as I've mentioned, I win the lottery. I do all that I can to help
those less fortunate than myself, and I become something of a celebrity. Not
as big as Carrot Top, but a celebrity nonetheless. So when I vacation, I
tend to go to a nice quiet prison camp where no one will recognize me. Also,
I like being tortured and berated.

> Several hundred minutes later, an equipment malfunction shorted, we
> were defrosted, we revolted, and we escaped. We made our way back to
> Earth. The watch, compacted into my internal organs by the lack of
> cloisteroctomine gland fluid, could not be removed, and the means of
> returning to the present past of the future now were unavailable on
> primitive, unrefined Earth.

Maybe you could leave a note for your future self to go back to the past and
bring your past self to the present (or future), where exists the technology
to remove this vaccuum-sealed watch from your intestines. Then, on your past
self's journey back to the past, he could stop off at my present and deliver
me my watch? Would that be alright?

> And this watch I now give to you.
>
> What? That's not your great-great-great-great-grandson's watch? Ahhh,
> CRAP. I kept the wrong watch up my azz for 10,000 years!

Man, I'm just looking for the time. What time is it?

--
KB

MCNGP #26



Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by kpg

kpg
Thu Jun 16 13:28:29 CDT 2005

I wish I could go back in time never reply to this thread.


Re: Pre-emptive strike on the MCNGP! by The

The
Thu Jun 16 12:50:33 CDT 2005

"Briscobar" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote in message
news:OcTaJxocFHA.1040@TK2MSFTNGP10.phx.gbl...
> I am full of gratitude for all you've done
> for our planet - nay, all mankind - and for how you treated my father in
> his
> dying moments.

I was mean to him. I never liked him, I just liked his watch and how it
would feel in my internal organs. I destroy mankind in 2964.

> 8192 BC? At the Temporal Prison? Did you happen to know Raul? Or Jose?
> They
> were guards there when I was there back in 8196 BC, and they may have been
> there as early as your stay. They're good fellas, Raul and Jose.

We feasted on their innards and cleansed ourselves with a moist towellete.
They were tasty in barbeque sauce.

> I like being tortured and berated.

Shut up, b*tch.

> Maybe you could leave a note for your future self to go back to the past
> and
> bring your past self to the present (or future), where exists the
> technology
> to remove this vaccuum-sealed watch from your intestines. Then, on your
> past
> self's journey back to the past, he could stop off at my present and
> deliver
> me my watch? Would that be alright?

ABSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS.

> Man, I'm just looking for the time. What time is it?

It's NOW MINUTES AFTER NOW O'CLOCK.