billyw
Mon Jul 26 16:02:05 CDT 2004
what about these then, when told in your parts..
bo'ness is a town btw
A Bo'ness Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant "10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street,
ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n'
they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
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A Bo'ness burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter.
she says"Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies.
"This time it's mayonnaise."
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Bo'ness burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall.
" She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
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Bo'ness burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall.
" She says "Gies that tartan yin"
The man replies "That's ma bloody flask."
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A Bo'ness burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Agie."
Medic: "OK Agie, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Ahm fae bleeding Bo'ness ya tube."
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A Bo'ness burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang.
It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on
the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8.
Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners argh!> >
> thump!"
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Another Bo'ness burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat
out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
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A Bo'ness burd and a Weegie guy are in a bar when the girl notices something
strange about the Nikes the guy is wearing.
She says,"Here mate, ahm no' tryin tae take the piss ur ony'hin like'
that, but how
come you've goat an L oan wan ae yur gutties 'n' an R oan the other wan?"
So the guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies,
"Coz I'm a bit thick so Ah huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' an R oan ma
ma right wan."
"F*** sake" exclaims the girl "So thats how ma thongs've goat C&A oan thum!"
"JaR" <plentespam@nospamsofthome.net> wrote in message
news:O53YEs0cEHA.688@TK2MSFTNGP11.phx.gbl...
> billyw wrote:
>
> > A ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a
local
> > sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little
fun, so
> > he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"
> <Oldie but goodie snipped>
>
> 'Round these parts, when that joke is told, the villager becomes a
> Montana rancher.
>
> Montana; Where the men are men, and the sheep are nervous.
>
> JaR