Found in another froup. Enjoy.
JaR
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 The Columbus Dispatch
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is
prompting the exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon
be required to hunt, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a
chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected fences, but
the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet near the
Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people
are not prepared for rugged conditions" an Ontario border patrolman
said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did
have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though." When liberals are
caught, they're sent back across the border, wailing loudly that they
fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about
the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as
senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.
After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,
Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the
accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about
their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the
illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting
all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals,
but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident
said. ''How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.
And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The
president is determined to reach out."