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Hurricane Preparation for Floridians
After this past week we all should be aware of hurricane preparations, but
in case you need a refresher course: We're into the enter the peak of the
hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a
weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and
making two basic meteorological points.
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to
the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the
possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our insurance
industry experiences, we recommend that you
follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. We'll start
with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
Homeowner's Insurance:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this
insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic
requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Wisconsin
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer
not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to
pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to
the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you like used dental floss.
Shutters:
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows and all the
doors. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
to sell your house to pay for them.
Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
lives in Nebraska.
Hurricane Proofing your property:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like
barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.. You
should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you
don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built (immediately).
Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
Evacuation Route:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned
out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The
purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home
when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in
a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred
thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
Hurricane Supplies:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
water, you will need the following supplies:
At least 23 flashlights and at least $167 worth of batteries that will turn
out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who
went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy
a generator from a man with no discernible teeth. Of course these are just
basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that
you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching
TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you
over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from
the ocean.
Good luck, and remember:
It's great living in Paradise!!
--
Fris "irate Gators?" bee®, MCNGP #13
The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
http://www.mcngp.com
Certaholics
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics